What should be the relationship between father and son, mother and son, and similarly for the daughter?

In the ideal family, the father is God so far as the son is concerned. The son treats both mother and father as God, but his relationship to his mother can be a little more playful than to his father. What his father says is law. And, for the father, his son is the apple of his eye.

The son does what his father says to the best of his ability, and if his father is not there he does what his mother says. His mother always thinks of what the father would want for the son, even if she inputs her own ideas to the father.

The position for the daughter is the reverse: she does what the mother asks, and the father thinks of what the mother would like for his daughter if he has to give instructions to the daughter.

A well brought up child will act responsibly, be quiet and respectful. With older children, the parent needs to trust the child. There should be no assumption that the child will be naughty, take drugs, etc. If problems arise for any child (whatever the age) the parents need to investigate the source - this could be anything from vitamin or mineral deficiencies ranging to problems at school.

Bringing up children is not easy and the list of suggestions below is difficult to implement in the modern world. One needs to be ambitious and to try one's hardest (which from a yogic point of view sometimes means doing less rather than more) and at the same time take a pragmatic view of what is achievable. Naturally, to fulfil one's obligations to one's children involves sacrifice. For example, the husband may need to move to a lower paid less interesting job in order to reduce travelling or work time, or the family may need to move closer to his work.

In the forthcoming world where man has destroyed the environment and where the social fabric of society is also destroyed, the old paradigms of children needing a good university degree, etc., are no longer applicable. Children need to be brought up with their physical, mental, emotional, sexual, intellectual and spiritual fitness in mind. They need to form friends easily, interact respectfully and easily with the opposite sex, so that when times become tough they can withstand the cold or heat, hunger and thirst, despair, etc and quickly find friends to help them.

Why does one need advice?

• Girls learn to love from their mothers and boys from their fathers
• Nowadays fathers are often busy at work and their sons do not accompany them during the day
• Increasingly too, mothers do not have enough time to look after their daughters
• Hence, girls and boys are left to their own devices more and more
• Perfection in each of these seven spheres results when the child has been brought up in a loving environment for at least 70% of his/her waking hours in each year of these 11 years. Perfection is not easy and you should spend at least 2 hours per day with your children.

Some suggestions on parenting are as follows:

• They should be taught the ethical/moral principles of Yama and Niyama
• They should learn about the concept of duty
• They should be brought up believing in God
• Children should have a free and easy time playing games and sports as much as possible in the open with other children
• School work and pressure should be kept to a minimum
• For the young child, there should be plenty of contact, including physical contact, between mother and daughter and father and son
• Children can be usefully employed helping the parents in their house or other work
• They should be kept active, not dull
• They should be encouraged to ask questions
• It is important to read to them or let them read stories from the Ramayana and Mahabharat and other Indian epics, not just for Hindus
• They should be told the difference between right and wrong and learn to think for themselves about this
• You should be careful about organized religions as much of the troubles of the world start from the closed mind and prejudices that these organizations preach to children
• Food should be natural and organic
• They should not be permitted much TV or movies, nor computer games etc
• They should be encouraged to read avidly
• Parents need to set a good example
• The atmosphere should be one of love
• Both father and son and mother and daughter should spend many hours each day together
• Children need to be lightly disciplined if they do wrong
• They should learn respect for elders, teachers etc
• They should learn to be polite and to have good manners
• They should not be spoilt
• Most important of all is that you should have a happy marriage.