The separate article "Improving Marital Relationships" contains some suggestions as to how you can help to save or improve your marriage. Occasionally, all your efforts to the contrary, you may judge that marital strife is damaging the health and happiness of you, your spouse and children and that you need to separate. This effort should be to ensure that you have cared for him or her with tenderness irrespective of whether he or she cares for you.

Ultimately, if your spouse does not care for you, then you can go your separate ways. If this caring for you is absent, then you need to decide whether you are better off on your own or with someone else. Clearly, before you get to this stage, you need to ensure that you have cared for him or her with tenderness, otherwise you should not initiate a breakup.

Irrespective of the legal position, you are no longer married to a man when you stop caring for him and also if you care for him but he has ceased to care for you. If this caring with tenderness disappears from him to you but you are still caring for him with tenderness, and the breakdown is irrecoverable, you should look for another marital partner. If you are the one who has stopped caring for him even though he cares for you, even though you are not married, you should stay with him until such time as he wants you to leave. This is the honourable way of you treating a man and him treating you.

What should you and your spouse do during this difficult period? Here are some suggestions:

• Undertake activities for your personal development and happiness
• Treat your spouse with respect, kindness and consideration
• Give and allow your spouse to give all the love possible to your children. Explain to them truthfully what is happening, remembering to also talk about all the actions that you and your spouse have taken to save the marriage
• Pray
• Follow the five principles of ethics
• Practice the three aspects of yoga of austerity (particularly performing charitable acts), self study (particularly reading sacred texts) and surrender to God
• Prepare and if possible discuss and agree fair financial and other terms for the separation and or divorce, allowing for the many practical issues that arise
• Continue with your duty of looking after the family (including yourself)
• Seek out people who will remain your friends after the separation
• If appropriate explain to colleagues and friends whom you trust and perhaps to your boss that some personal family issues have arisen and that you need special consideration for a period