The ideal state of marriage is one of bliss and happiness and love. There should be few if any arguments, and both husband and wife should be in rapture, friends with each other.

Nowadays, there is discord in every marriage, revealed for example through the divorce statistics. Indeed it is often believed that the norm for the marital state is one of strife.

Unfortunately, the prognosis is for further decline in the institution of marriage. A number of factors are contributing to this:

• Couples are marrying later when habits have set in and when it is more difficult to make the necessary adjustments required in marriage. If one marries at a young age (in one's teens or directly after college) one will have fewer expectations, be more idealistic and ready to compromise
• Expectations of wealth and of sexual satisfaction are becoming higher as a result of the influence of Western media. At the same time, the ability to deliver on sexual satisfaction within marriage is reducing as a result of overwork, needed to meet the rising expectations of wealth: for example, male fertility has reduced by some 50% over the last 50 years
• Children are increasingly brought up in nuclear families without having experienced the need for adjustment and compromise
• With increased wealth, children are increasingly spoilt
• Lack of sufficient love in the family home is leading to a self centred attitude
• With a decline in religious values, marriage itself is no longer regarded as sacred
• Parental guidance is lacking and the previous care (at least in Indian arranged marriages) taken to ensure that horoscopes, family backgrounds etc match is absent.

Happy marriage involves:

• Deep love for each other: this relates to caring for each other with tenderness
• Intimacy, including non harmful natural sexual satisfaction for both
• Friendship
• Sacrifice on the part of both husband and wife for the sake of the family
• Each spouse performing their duty of looking after the family and providing for its material and other needs
• Bringing up children with love and care (see Parenting)
• Each spouse treating the other with respect and communicating with each other well
• Ultimate decision making in any area needs to be left to the spouse who bears the corresponding responsibility
• There needs to be an atmosphere of trust and honesty

So, what can you do now to help in your marriage? Here are some suggestions:

• Success and happiness breed more success and happiness and so you (and your spouse) should both make every effort to become happy and contented
• Personal development is a key to having a contented marriage
• You should give each other deep sexual joy
• If in difficulties, whilst standing your ground and maintaining your dignity, make visible sacrifices and adjustments to accommodate the likes and dislikes of your spouse
• Where comfortable maintain silence rather than answer back, in order to reduce the friction in any arguments
• If mutually agreeable, set aside two equal periods each week, one for you and one for your spouse, in which you can both set out your own thoughts or suggestions on the marriage, without unrequired interruption and argument
• Increase the time spent on any activity that you both enjoy doing, providing this does not generate argument
• Pray
• Break habits which do not involve treating your spouse with respect and request him or her to do the same for you
• Reading for example the Hindu epics which tell of the sacrifices made and the lives led by ideal couples will be very beneficial
• Resist going to a marriage councillor (who will be a stranger not necessarily knowing or representing your best interests), but do listen to the advice from trusted friends and family if they love you
• Rather than listen to unasked for advice, it is better to find people whose opinion you respect, all the better if these are people who love you.

Marriage is a sacred institution and so it is your duty to work with the utmost diligence at strengthening it. For some, these efforts may fail, see Marital Separation. However, even if your spouse does not cooperate, in most cases your own efforts at personal development can be sufficiently successful for you not to need to break your marriage vows. Breach of these vows, through the Law of Karma or Cause and Effect, will cause you unnecessary suffering in this or a future life.