Being a friend is pretty much the nicest present you can give to someone. What does this involve? You may say, surely there are no ground rules for this. In my view that is not the case.

The reason for this is that so many things have gone wrong in modern civilization that we have all lost touch with mother nature and with God. People are stressed, in the home, in family life, at work, and during recreation periods. Perhaps 30 years ago, if a colleague at work was in trouble, his or her colleagues would down tools in sympathy, perhaps with the help of a trade union. Today the rat race applies. Both the friend and the be-friender have stresses and therefore the normal human ability to interact in a humane peaceful way is lost.

Of course, in this article, I am speaking from an English perspective. The actual state of marriage and friendship, etc, in your country may be better or worse than I have described in this article.

Just as with marriage, it is often much easier to be a true friend with someone of your own cultural background. At the best of times you do not know what is going through the mind of the person you are talking to, what stresses he or she is undergoing. When the cultural background differs, it is that much easier to offend, disturb, etc. You are even less likely to understand his or her point of view. And these days, people struggle to give another the time of day let alone true friendship. Everybody is busy. Tempers are short. The ability to understand another's point of view is non existent when you are too busy, as most of us are, to listen or take the time to find out. Everybody needs to keep themselves busy to drown out their innermost promptings that things are not going well.

So, one of the first things you need to have to become a friend, is to give yourself time. You need to be de-stressed, peaceful, tranquil, both for yourself and in order to attune yourself with the needs of others. These days even children are boisterous, stressed. What will they be like when they grow up? One cannot have even a normal conversation without thoughts of time, pressure, things-to-do cropping up and disturbing one's mind. In my view you need to decide on your priorities, do you want to help people, and be their friend, or do you want to busy. Your friend needs you to have a tranquil mind so that you can listen, respond in a considered fashion to his or her needs. If you want to be busy then it is really simple: you cannot be a real friend.

You also need space. Space for yourself, without anyone perhaps other than your loved ones with you. Space and time are essential for your development. These days one hears of yoga teachers teaching five classes a day, and leading a busy social or family life. It is impossible to teach yoga, religion or any spiritual subject under such circumstances.

Your friend needs space and time too. His/her space or time. It is not yours. Neither is your space and time his (just for brevity in the rest of this article I will mostly drop the use of the word 'her', I hope that is ok). What does this mean? It means when you approach him you need to obtain his permission. Obviously mostly he will say yes. You need to have some sense within you that his permission is genuine as distinct from social.

Western society is built around the concept of interference. Let us interfere in Africa , never mind that in 100 years' time this will result in mass famine and disease and warfare. Because the 'West' was never a true friend to Africa , when the problems start the 'friend' disappears. The same with the native Indians of America, or the Indians of India. Nowadays, having caused mass destruction of society across the world, colonialism is less in fashion so people instead focus on interference with the food chain or the environment. When the trouble hits, the environment will soon find that the 'West' is not a true friend. However, the environment is a true friend to the West. For as long as it's life exists it will be there to help people but it will never interfere. It does not mind helping friend or foe. It does not offer or push forward, it is just there when you need it. And these days only a very few advanced yogis can do without the environment. Hence if the West has finally succeeded in destroying its penultimate friend, the environment, in a few decades or less time, only a few people will survive. The final, ultimate, friend to all of us is God. At this time He wishes to see the environment, the institution of marriage, societal structures, ie everything, destroyed. God is astoundingly angry with what mankind has been doing.

The whole idea that you should interfere in someone else's life is taboo, unless they wish it. Only God or their personal deity can interfere in the affairs of the world or in your life without you asking for help. Of course, a parent can 'interfere' in the life of his child, or a husband in the life of his wife, etc. When you are true family you can arguably interfere, but that is the subject of another article. Iinteracting with a family member who you have known, has a similar culture to yours, and loves you, is not interfering. There is a bond of love and common understanding that mostly prevents your interference being taken as interference. Of course that is no longer true these days with wives and children liking their 'independence', and wanting to dominate, but again this is the subject for another article (Dominance in a Relationship): the subject today is being a friend, not being a family member. Anway I am in danger of being accused of being sexist, and intimidated by slogan rather than considered thought. On this theme of dominance a 'true' friend cannot have more than 50% dominance in a relationship. How dominating is a tree, your true friend when you need shade?

So, you want to help because you see something 'going wrong'. The key matter to remember is that God has ordered the world just as it should be. Do you really understand what is going on, what is your real expertise in dealing with the matter to hand, does the person really want your help? You need to use your reasoning faculties to determine exactly what help should and should not be offered. If somebody is being attacked in the street, it is a reasonable to believe that he cannot ask for help at that point and therefore you can interfere. Maybe there are other circumstances when you 'can' interfere. You need to take some time, give yourself some space and air, ground yourself with earth, and move like water, flow evenly without disturbing your environment. Only rarely do you need to act like a torrent. Consider carefully whether your action is really helping or whether it could upset the situation further. Mostly you will not know what is going on behind the scenes: it is difficult to read another's mind and even more difficult to predict the consequence of one's actions. As before, only advanced yogis are able to do this.

So, in order to be there for your friend, and interfere, you mostly need to have taken some time (not a couple of hours) to understand him and his circumstances. Occasional words like 'If you ever need anything, do not hesitate to let me know' may encourage him to think of you and turn to you at a time of need. But, there is not much point in saying these words if you have not taken the trouble to understand him or if you do not mean it or if you have a track record of not helping him or others when asked. The purpose of life is partly to help others. Therefore mankind is given the power of speech so they can ask a friend when they need help. But a tree does not need the power of speech because everyone already knows that if you need shade it will give it to you.

A key aspect missing from civilization these days is respect. People in general are too busy, self-centred, etc. This problem is likely to get much worse as family structures are destroyed. We pay lip service to respect for ancient civilizations etc, at the same time as destroying them. Yoga is currently being destroyed by yoga teachers. In a few years time we will have one world, with a MacDonalds at every high street, TV in every living room. Except that lack of respect for the environment will have killed off the environment around the same time as Western 'civilization' penetrates and destroys the last vestige of any culture.

Hence, when you approach someone who you wish to be a friend, you need to approach him with respect. You need to respect his abilities, his person, his power. You are not his superior, just because you went to a different school or were brought up wealthier, or differently. Today, in England, racism is rife but because there are laws people are afraid to show their racist tendencies, or its not the done thing because of the English colonial past and tendencies. So rather than everything being in the open, an Asian or African thinks that he has a friend but actually has not. This is just an example, because I happen to live in England . The same will be true in most countries. Another aspect, is that you cannot seek to dominate in a relationship.

These days communication is becoming increasingly difficult. You leave a telephone message and your call is not answered. Mostly, in the office your emails are not answered. If you ask a question mostly it is ignored. If you write a thought provoking piece you will never get an honest considered response: mostly it is ignored. If you ask a Christian organization or a yoga teacher for help this too is 90% or more of the time ignored (60% even in the case of the most devotional group of Hinduism, the Sri Vaishnava community). Your wife is too busy to talk to you, or interrupts you at an inconvenient time. Your family members watch TV at the same time as asking you a question but then never get to listen to the reply because there is another tragedy in Iraq that they prefer to listen to on the news. Basically you are on your own. And the destruction of centuries old innate courtesy has only been going on for say 50 years. What will happen in another 10 years? God will have destroyed even the last aspect of genuine communication between man.

So, if you wish to be a friend, you need to learn respect for your friend, and appropriate respect for the powers of speech and hearing are required. Well, I could also talk about the need for respect for the power of sight.

The consequence of the sex-ization of women and the destruction of the marital institution is that one needs to be exceptionally careful about befriending someone of the opposite sex. What is going on behind the mask? Are you helping to destroy a marriage? You (whether you are man or woman) need to be careful of befriending a woman and giving her advice. Are you interfering in her marital relationship to its detriment? Are you God to know what the future holds and what your advice (on what she should wear or whatever) will do to the marriage? And how can you befriend a child and give it advice, possibly countermanding the advice given it by its parents or perhaps reinforcing this advice? What if the child is rebellious and you then have created a rebellion. The list of questions is endless.

Children, husbands, wives shout at each other. Friends send emails that shout at their friends. Everything is rushed, ill-considered.

And then there is the question of respect for the power of eating. How often do you meet up with your friend over lunch, or over a beer? Traditionally in India , meals were taken in silence, preceeded and succeeded by the chanting of appropriate mantras and religious prayer.

Just to conclude, I am not at all saying that you should not aim to be a friend to all or a friend to some. Not at all. Quite the opposite. But if you wish to be a good friend then you need to work at it. I believe that very few of us have any real friends. And that this trend to lack of friendship is growing at an alarming pace. The need for you to become a friend, and to have a friend has never been greater.