In this day and age the most important characteristic that you should look for in a wife is someone who will care about you, and look after you with tenderness. See the article on 'Why You Should Get Married' for a discussion of what is marriage and why it is important for you to marry. When she cares for you more than she cares for herself, then she is in love with you (and vice versa).

The dating process and choosing process needs to focus on the important characteristics of a marriage: caring, tenderness, her ability and inclination to move from caring to love, intimacy and does she attract you, and friendship. 

All other characteristics are of secondary importance. You do have other needs but if necessary these can be satisfied by other means: you can cook for yourself, for example.

Taking the example of love, a woman may love you to distraction, but still disturb your peace of mind and happiness. You should not marry a woman just because she loves you. You and she need to develop into being friends too.

To tell whether a woman cares for you more than she cares for herself, you need to test her. There will always be some not very important matter which is dear to her heart. If you take the opposite stance to what she wants, and do so in a considered fashion, she will get upset. The question is, will she when upset be courteous to you and treat you with respect or will she not? It is important for both you and her for you to make this test because the issue of caring for you is the bedrock of a happy marriage.

Truthfulness is also important for both of you. At some point in the dating process, you are likely to have an argument. On an occassion when she is in the wrong, you need to see whether she apologises to you. On another occassion, you need to create or use an opportunity where she is likely to lie to you, and then ask her to promise not to do so again. Does she promise? Does she admit that she lied?

Also in terms of truthfulness and caring for you tenderly, does she answer all your questions fully? Does she meet you on time or is she late?

Part of marriage relates to intimacy. Do you feel at ease sharing with her your intimate thoughts about yourself, about your desires, about her? Does she do the same with you?

You also need to create or use a situation where she naturally will want to 'boss' you around, and ask her not to do it again. What is her reaction, does she promise straightaway or is she reluctant?

Another issue is whether the woman will help you with your life objectives, see 'Setting Your Objectives in Life'.

It is difficult to know whether a woman will look after you tenderly. In the back of every woman's (and man's) mind is fear, and consequently she is unable to tell you or may not know the truth about this important matter, at least prior to marriage.

The two tests of a reasonable expectation are as follows:

1 Does her mother look after her father tenderly?

2 Do her sisters look after their husbands and children tenderly?

Clearly, with some women it is very easy to tell that their motives are such that if you for example fall ill and are unable to provide them with what they expect of you, they will not look after you. You need to have ruled these women out during the selection process.

These days, moral standards have declined and you need to be tolerant in deciding whom to marry. You should overlook the first three difficulties that would normally make you decide not to proceed.

Initially, you may think that you need to decide on the basis of the woman's beauty, or how much you love her. This is not the case. Although a rose is always beautiful, one soon tires of seeing its beauty, and any man can take or leave the beauty of a rose. In the case of being with a woman who treats you with tenderness, you will not tire of her.

After a while in marriage, a man focuses on whether the woman is tender to him, and not whether she is or is not beautiful. When marrying you need to focus on the essentials, and not on superficial aspects.

For an explanation of what being married means, what it means to be friends, etc, see the article 'Meaning of Marriage Love and other Everyday Terms'.