Marriage is a union and each person needs to be treated with respect and dignity, each has a role to play to ensure that the ultimate life objectives of both persons are achieved.

For a definition of what love, true love, marriage, friendship means you could refer to the article 'Meaning of Marriage and Other Everday Terms'. It is important to know not just the legal position on marriage, when you have married, whether you are married but what the ethical/love position is, and what sort of relationship can be striven for.

The first thing that the two of you need to do is to sit down together and draw up 4 check lists of:

• what are your respective true objectives in life
• what you need to do to achieve these objectives
• what are your interests
• what you are good at

For deciding your true objectives in life you may wish to choose from some or all of the list contained in the article: Setting Your Objectives in Life.

• the man is working arduously on his path of union with God
• the woman helps him in this path
• they love each other, but the man's first duty is to God, the woman's to him
• they care for each other tenderly, they have an active sexual relationship as needed physically by both, and are honest and truthful to each other about all things including their innermost thoughts
• they are friends, namely they will do for each other whatever the other needs, when he or she needs it, on the other's terms with no questions other than to God.

The man needs to identify all your crucial objectives and then assign responsibilities to each of you to see that you have more than a reasonable chance of meeting them. This assignment of responsibilities in relation to both of your crucial objectives in life should ideally be discussed and agreed before marriage. The woman needs to be happy with your choices.

You need early on to compromise about interests and say that 'this interest since it is not shared by you, and since other interests are being covered, I will forget about it'.

These check lists should be written down and then periodically reviewed, added to etc.

Importantly, you need to avoid argumentation. Hence, if necessary one person, say the man should draw up all four lists and then the woman should review and modify, pass it back to the man and then only to discuss any differences with a view to compromise. However, you should not compromise on your original life objectives, these should be strengthened rather than weakened over time.

Marriage is a union. The first step is to promise marriage to each other, with the final commitment on your wedding day. Actual marriage takes place when the man's penis enters the vagina. The two of you should resist this happening until such time as you know that your marriage is going to be a success and that you are truly in love with each other. Both man and woman need to surrender to each other. Proper love making helps each develop an attitude of caring and desire such that they want to surrender. By surrender I mean, to do without question what the other wants them to do, in their assigned and agreed responsibility area.